I remember the first time I actually met Jason. I was asked to come for fellowship after the Bible study was done and when we got their, I was introduced to Jason. Because he immediately was taken in by my family, he hung out at the “Hamlin’s” a lot. I remember watching him and Mat play ping pong and so many things that Jason didn’t understand would be talked, argued, and finally hashed out playing some very competitive games. We became very good friends and would hang out almost every other day. The friendship then turned into being best friends and he confided in me many things, and I confided in him more than I have ever confided in a person. He saw a different side of me, a very open and emotional side that I’ve always had a hard time sharing with people. There was times when I just knew in the spirit that he was struggling and I would intercede for him. In fact I remember when he was still new, I was out of town and I got such a heavy burden for him and when I got home he told me that he had almost given up. It seemed like every time he struggled, I got a burden for him in prayer.
We did everything together, he told me about his “girl” issues and then about a year and a half later I started to have feelings for him. I started treating him as more than just a friend, I baked for him and I cooked for him and all of his friends of course.. but I had a hidden agenda! I started praying about it and telling God my feelings. I didn’t like the fact that I had feelings for him because of the age difference and I knew he certainly didn’t like me more than a friend. I spent nights and many hours praying about it. It bothered me that I liked him and often times I would withdraw from the group because I didn’t want him to know my feelings and I was embarrassed about my true feelings. There was soo many people telling the both of us that we should hook up, that would make me mad.. because I always said I don’t want to be hooked up by people, but I wanted God to make a match for me, so I would withdraw once again. I stopped praying for a husband because I felt like I was praying a partial prayer that basically had Jason’s name and personality all over it. Then a month later, I wept in prayer for a husband once again. I started to pray “God, please take this out of my heart, I don’t know why I like him and I don’t want to like him.” Then I would think that I was over him until I saw him the next time.. my feelings were still there!!! The feelings actually grew stronger and stronger… I was trying to deny my feelings. I invited Jason over to my house and made him dinner and told him “I just want to let you know that I like you no more than a best friend”. I was trying to convince myself!!!
Then I got desparate in prayer. I decided that I would finally accept my feelings and just pray about it. I went to Banff by myself and in the hotel room I broke down and wept for a long time, telling God my feelings. I stayed at the church on Wed. night all night long and wept and prayed about it. After Sunday school 3 weeks before we started dating, I stayed for hours in the small fellowship hall and wept and prayed about it. The more I prayed the more I saw that it was never going to happen. Then I just started to thank God for what He was doing in the spirit.. because with my natural eye.. I could see that it would never come to pass. Julio’s bday dinner, Jason called me and said he decided he would show up and have a pop and then go home. He came dressed up, and funny… I came dressed up because there was a small hope that he’d come (but I didn’t know at the time that I left my home that he was going to come). When he got there I told my sister that Jason must’ve taken out a girl for dinner because he looked good, smelled good, and only wanted a drink. Well.. it was weird… I noticed he kept looking at me and he ended up staying the entire dinner. He lingered around me at the cash register.. I thought what in the world is this guy doing… but I enjoyed every moment of it.
That night we all went home. I got on msn when I got home and I was in a fowl mood because my emotions were soo up & down. Jason got on msn also and we chatted and he asked me what was wrong and I just told him everything except the real truth… the reason I was so upset. Finally after midnight he asked me “Jessie I’m going to ask you a question and you have to be honest with me. Do you like me as more than a friend?” I started to shake uncontrollably and I closed the lid of my laptop and put it aside thinking are you kidding me, I’m not going to tell him because he’s just going to hurt me! But then 5 minutes later when I heard him message me again, I opened it back up and I finally decided to tell him “yes, I do”. Then he told me this story about a man & wife and how the wife would all the time ask “Baby, do you love me”. Finally one day the man took his wife out to the garage and showed her the car. He said “do you know we have a car”, she said “yes”, he said “we will always have this car and that’s how I feel about my love for you… my love will always be there with you”.
I was crying at this point as I was reading this story, wondering what in the world he was trying to say. Then Jason finally said “Jessie, we have a car”.. then I freaked I was like Jason what are you saying to me… he said he liked me as more than a friend too.... and the rest is history!
God has been so good to us!!